and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
