Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
