your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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