im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
