I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
