i don't like sucking hair
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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