i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize