drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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