we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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