It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
