It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
