The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
