Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
