i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
