I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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