I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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