Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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