every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize