i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
