I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
