You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
