God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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