Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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