I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
