I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize