i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
