Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
