I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
