You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
