Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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