im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
