I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
