Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
