New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
