and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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