i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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