If that was your dad, he is hot
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
