id be glad to
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
