I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
