I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
