i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
