You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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