I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize