they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
