Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
