I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
