And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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