You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
