THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
