OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
