just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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