You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
