it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize