I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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