why didn't you poke me back
You're completely useless in the revolution.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
