About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
