i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
