how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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