So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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