I like to think it a success when the cops are called
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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