Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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