Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
