Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
