I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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