I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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