Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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