you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
