Four minutes until I can fart!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
