She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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