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That's how twitter works, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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