my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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