Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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